sabotuer

originally published November 23, 2015

1. a person who commits or practices sabotage.

sabotage - noun

1. any underhand interference with production, work, etc., in a plant,factory, etc., as by enemy agents during wartime or by employees during a trade dispute.

2. any undermining of a cause.

Synonyms

disable, vandalize, cripple.

i do this a lot. i do it without even knowing it. then i spend days, sometimes even weeks trying to recover from perceived failure from being too hard on myself.  don't get me wrong - during this process, heck during life, there are times when it is appropriate and necessary to set the bar really high in order to achieve a goal.  however, what has hindered me all these years is not understanding that there will be hard days, and some days i will fail; nor have i allowed myself to be in this space.  don't get me wrong, by no means do i think that complacency and excuse making is okay...but we are human.  i am human.  mistakes happen. failures occur.  

self-sabotage, for me has often been subtle.  it wasn't until a few years ago that i realized that i was doing it.  i did it in many different areas of my life, but typically and most noticeable was with my weight loss journey.  the outcome would be me stalling and doing absolutely nothing at all to progress.  it became apparent that this sabotage was driven by fear.  i would do stupid stuff like stay up all night knowing that i have to workout in the morning; each monday, tell myself i am going to eat better, but then i don't go shopping the weekend prior; or set a goal to lose like 50lbs in 2 days (okay, not really, but kinda), but then realize 5 minutes after i set that preposterous goal, that it was just that and give up before i start.

i know reading this, it seems super simple and super stupid, but i would do it all them time.  even as i write this my eyes are blurry because i got caught up last night procrastinating (read sabotaging myself), knowing that i have 5 miles to run today and a host of other things to do.  the fact of the matter is, although not always successful, i have had to find ways to keep myself from derailing myself.  i have had to learn to get out of my own way.

how - 

1. prayer/meditation - i talk to the Creator, often. about my shortcomings, successes, failures, goals and dreams.  and then listen for how He guides me (i am actually working on the listening part - real talk...).

2. reminding myself that i do not have to be afraid to succeed or fail.

3. forgiving myself for the times i have failed.

4. not trying to accomplish a million goals at one time.  i can achieve one goal at a time, or several; but i don't have to overwhelm myself with trying to 'do it all in one day.' 

how have you been able to get out of your own way? i would love to know.  let's help one another!

In optimal health and love,

Talia Felicia